Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I'm the slow dying flower, Frost killing hour.

Today I don't know how I feel, I'm calm but my limbs feel differently. My heart pounds and it feels as if there is an electric current running through my body. It's unexplainable but it's a sensation that scares me, perhaps it's normal but I just don't know anymore. I keep seeing people I know who just turn out to be strangers, maybe it's just the pills my doctor prescribes me but what if i'm losing it, for real this time. I don't feel like i'm completely here most of the time, as if I could wake up and my whole life was just a dream or a nightmare, I haven't decided which one yet.

I'm not sure if I like the attention anymore, some days I thrive on it. Other days I feel sick from those eyes that gaze over at me, they make me feel so weak, so small. They have nothing to offer me, I don't want them but I need what they give which may seem so insignificant but I'm needy like that. Some days I just feel so used.

Songs currently on repeat:
Opus 36 - Dustin O'Halloran
It's cool, We Can Still Be Friends - Bright Eyes
Sleep - Imogen Heap
Weather Systems - Andrew Bird

1 comment:

  1. gosh i know exactly how you feel....
    sometimes i would jut prefer to have a power ot be invisible - like turning it on and off?

    its sad when people you thought you knew- friends even- do turn out to be shadows and strangers. :(