Wednesday, February 29, 2012



Impulsiveness and Impulsivity - Impulsiveness - or Impulsivity - is the tendency to act or speak based on current feelings rather than logical reasoning.


Impulsiveness is a normal form of human behavior. All people make some decisions impulsively, based on"gut-feel", "instinct", mood or whim. Life would be very dull if all decisions were made based on logic. Human beings are not like "Mr. Spock" from the classic "Star Trek" series, who was incapable of emotional thought and was often confused by it.

Impulse can be a tremendous ally. Some people have made the best decisions of their lives impulsively. Many people make "big" decisions based on "gut feel" - decisions such as which career to follow, who to marry, where to buy a house, where to invest savings etc.

Impulse can, at the same time, be a tremendous liability. Some people have made the worst decisions of their lives on which career to follow, who to marry, where to buy a house, where to invest savings etc., impulsively based on that same "gut feel".

A key advantage in making decisions impulsively is speed. Impulsive decisions are unencumbered by the need to collect, sort and interpret large amounts of data, analyze cost-benefit ratios and predict and explore all possible consequences of an action. In some fast-paced environments - such as in stock-market security trading, extensive delays in decision-making can be costly.

Most mature, mentally healthy adults learn how to make decisions both impulsively and deliberately, balancing their impulsive urges with their logical reasoning, applying experiences they have learned to minimize risks and maximize the potential rewards. A married woman who has children may have the urge to have an affair with a co-worker, but she may reason that the consequences of the affair would be devastating to her children and her husband. A young man may feel the urge to drive his car at 120 mph, but he may restrain the urge because he knows he may wreck his car or may get pulled over by the police. An angry employee may feel the urge to kill a belligerent boss, but her ability to reason may convince her that such action may result in loss of her job, her freedom, her reputation.

Likewise, impulsive urges sometimes trump logical reasoning in a healthy way. A couple may travel to a vacation in Las Vegas and, knowing the odds are against them, may gamble some of their hard-earned money, knowing they will probably lose but enjoying the thrill of the chance that they just might win a fortune. A young graduate may decide to forego a great job opportunity because he/she wants to head off and "see the world" for a year. A man may decide to marry a woman who just "feels right" - not because she is the healthiest, prettiest girl he can attract.

Impulsivity becomes dysfunctional when decisions made impulsively routinely hurt, or hurt the interests of, he decision-maker, their immediate family or other innocent bystanders.

The frontal lobe, or frontal cortex, is the area of the brain located just behind the forehead. It has been shown by neurologists to be associated with predicting the consequences of actions, ethical decision-making and pattern recognition. In other words, the frontal cortex is the risk/reward-calculation zone of the brain. Experiments have shown that, in most people, the frontal cortex reaches full development at around the age of 25. The lag between full physical maturity and frontal cortex maturity is sometimes used to explain the apparent emotional immaturity in teenagers and young adults, who often make decisions which appear "reckless" to older adults.

In his best-selling book "Blink", author Malcolm Gladwell gives a very readable overview of how impulsive decision making can, at the same time be both a powerful asset and a costly liability.

There are 4 commonly used sub-categories for impulsiveness:

  1. Urgency - A desire to act immediately to avoid missing a perceived opportunity.
  2. Whimsical - Little or no serious consideration of positive and negative consequences of actions.
  3. Procrastination - Unfettered acceptance of diversions to circumvent an undesirable task.
  4. Thrill-seeking - Experiencing a thrill associated with taking a big risk.

Impulsiveness is sometimes measured using the Barratt Impulsiveness Scale.

Examples of Dysfunctional Impulsivity/Impulsiveness

  • A man who spends the family's monthly budget on a "sure thing" at a gambling institution.
  • A woman who wants to stay married but has a habit of having affairs.
  • A man who repeatedly quits his job after less than 2 years.
  • A man who, while taking care of his children, aggressively confronts a gang of youths on the street.
  • An employee who berates and insults her boss & co-workers when faced with a minor disappointment.

What it feels like:

Depending on your situation and your own psychological make-up and your current mood, you may find episodes of impulsivity thrilling, exhausting, entertaining, frightening or threatening.

However, if you are a mentally healthy adult and you are living with a person who routinely exhibits a dysfunctional impulsiveness, you will likely be very concerned about your own safety and the safety of any children and/or innocent bystanders who are in the immediate sphere of influence of an impulsive individual.

You may feel frustrated at your inability to "talk sense" into such a person, or persuade them of the wisdom in your position.

You may also feel torn between a desire to run to safety and a desire to stay and try to help the person who is behaving impulsively.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Say it in broken english.

I think for a change there is only small problems in my life or maybe I'm just less stressed therefore I think there are less problems now, anyhow I'm content. Though lately I've been wondering about my love life, do I want a relationship? will having one do me for better or worse? I've got all these men on the side who may or may not have deeper feelings for me than just sex. But it's confusing me, who do I want? who can I or can't I have? I think the best thing is to just relax and let whatever that will happen to happen.

Today I got my dress from etsy today, It looked as great as it did in the photo and since I have a job interview tomorrow morning I think it'd be perfect to wear. I've still been getting my vivid dreams that have been going for the last week or so, some are nightmares but some are just weird and stick in my mind. I don't know what they're supposed to mean or why my dreams feel so significant all of a sudden.

songs on high repetition:
Bad girls by M.I.A.
Pain by Four Star Mary
Planets of the Universe by Stevie Nicks
Video Games (Cover) by Lucy Rose

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Ocean Breathes Salty...

The last week or so, my dreams have featured water in them at some point. They show floods, oceans, waterfalls...etc. I think dreams in general are sometimes very meaniful and significant, the fact that water is recurring in my dreams something. There are so many theorys, I don't know what it means...

Having water in your dreams is a very common occurrence. Whether you are dreaming of an ocean, a pond, or even a glass of water, it seems everyone dreams of water at some point in their lives. And in your dreams, water alludes to the most basic parts of ourselves - emotion. Water most always represents our waking emotion. Think about the dreams of water you have had...was the water crashing ocean waves? Then chances are your waking emotions were pretty rocky and heavy as well. Was the water dark, murky, and stagnant? Then you may well have been depressed or worried before you went to sleep.

The condition of, and placement of the water in your dream is the reflection of your waking mood. Cloudy swirling water may mean confusion, and clear crisp clean water may mean that you were very happy about something.

The only cases where water will not reflect upon the dreamers mood is when the water is part of a larger dream symbol, such as a hurricane, or a whirlpool. Dreaming of a hurricane may indicate a level or chaos in your life, or even on the more obvious level - that you are frightened of situations you cannot control. Dreaming of a whirlpool means that you are afraid that you will be overcome by a person or situation in your life.

Water, much like the emotion it represents, can be an ever changing element, and while the dream may indicate those things which are at the top of your subconscious, you may not immediately realize what the dream represents.

songs on high repetition:
Demolition by Patrick Wolf
A Boy named Sue by Johnny Cash
All I want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey
Mad about You by Hooverponic

Friday, June 3, 2011

5 things |||

five things you will find if you open my bag:

1. ipod
2. wallet
3. my crappy phone
4. pack of marlboro gold cigarettes
5. makeup (foundation, mascara & concealer)

five things in my bedroom:

1. cans of energy drinks
3. framed mark ryden paintings & photos of my grandparents
4. Stuffed teddies
5. bookshelf full of dvds & books

five things i want to do in my life:

1. look pretty
2. become an old cat lady
3. catch myself a DILF
4. have a career i love
5. live in new york city

five things that make me very happy:

1. snuggling with my cat
2. drinking vodka with company
3. blogging my life away
4. spooning with a boy in bed
5. sex

five things i’m currently into:

1. practical magic by alice hoffman
downloading music/movies
3. pretty lingerie
4. astrology
5. energy drinks

five things on my to-do list: 

1. buy a 1TB portable hard drive
2. re dye my hair
3. think of what i'm going to do for my birthday
4. buy more cigarettes
5. lose 2 kgs

five things some people may or may not know about you:

1. i go through food obsessions, where i eat one food basically all the time till i get sick of it and turn to something else.
2. when i was younger i could lucid dream and often get confused by my dreams with real life.
3. when i'm depressed i'm tired 24/7
4. family history fascinates me
5. i'm scared of the future

Sunday, February 27, 2011

Shake your head, It's empty.

I remembered what it is I like about sex: what I like about sex is that I can lose myself in it entirely. Sex, in fact, is the most absorbing activity I have discovered in adulthood. Sex is the only thing I've found like that as a grown-up, give or take the odd film: books are no longer like that once you're out of your teens, and I've certainly never found it in my work. All the horrible pre-sex self-consciousness drains out of me, and I forget where I am, the time of day...and yes, I forget who I'm with, for the time being.
- High Fidelity, Nick Hornby

I feel used up, like my spirit has slowly been sucked away and there's little left. I don't see the point in washing my hair, going out or even waking up in the morning. I feel like I'm going through the motions and not actually connecting with anything around me. Walking down the street today, I didn't even feel like I existed, that I was hollow and empty.

And the boys, there hands and lips just exhaust me. I'm nothing but a rag-doll to them but as much as that makes me sick, I'm an addict for the attention. Like an alcoholic that is aware their habit is self damaging but still cannot stop, It's something I feel like I have very little control over.

songs on high repetition:
Born This Way by Lady Gaga
On the Bound by Fiona Apple
Drumming Song by Florence + The Machine
I Follow Rivers by Lykke Li

Wednesday, December 8, 2010


If you dream of an old friend, lover or relative, is there a deeper meaning to it?
What if you continuously mistake strangers walking down the street because they may have a physical similarity to the person you mistake them for?
Does your sudden love for children and babies mean you wish for children of your own?
Or is it rather the need for affection that children are often lavished with, but you lack?

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I close my eyes the world drops dead ::

I've been in the strangest moods lately, I'm feeling very nostalgic and romantic. I've felt this in the past but it feels more real or maybe surreal this time, I'm reading
Rough Magic: A Biography of Sylvia Plath and her sentiments on boys, sex and romance are somewhat familiar to mine. She dated plenty of men in her college years and was constantly disappointed to find they could not match up to her expectations, they are just boys and she needed a man.

Maybe months ago I wouldn't have minded going on numerous of dates with plenty of guys, in fact I did. But now I don't want that, it's dull, these
"men" don't feel their heart or anywhere else for that matter. I want cliched romance and intimacy, the night ins, the small talks...there's something so detaching about dates and fooling around with boys who don't know any better.

songs on high repetition:
How Can I Tell You by Cat Stevens
Ant Music by Adam & The Ants
Mad Girl's Love Song by Fisher
Albion by Babyshambles