The Ocean Breathes Salty...

The last week or so, my dreams have featured water in them at some point. They show floods, oceans, waterfalls...etc. I think dreams in general are sometimes very meaniful and significant, the fact that water is recurring in my dreams something. There are so many theorys, I don't know what it means...

Having water in your dreams is a very common occurrence. Whether you are dreaming of an ocean, a pond, or even a glass of water, it seems everyone dreams of water at some point in their lives. And in your dreams, water alludes to the most basic parts of ourselves - emotion. Water most always represents our waking emotion. Think about the dreams of water you have had...was the water crashing ocean waves? Then chances are your waking emotions were pretty rocky and heavy as well. Was the water dark, murky, and stagnant? Then you may well have been depressed or worried before you went to sleep.


The condition of, and placement of the water in your dream is the reflection of your waking mood. Cloudy swirling water may mean confusion, and clear crisp clean water may mean that you were very happy about something.

The only cases where water will not reflect upon the dreamers mood is when the water is part of a larger dream symbol, such as a hurricane, or a whirlpool. Dreaming of a hurricane may indicate a level or chaos in your life, or even on the more obvious level - that you are frightened of situations you cannot control. Dreaming of a whirlpool means that you are afraid that you will be overcome by a person or situation in your life.

Water, much like the emotion it represents, can be an ever changing element, and while the dream may indicate those things which are at the top of your subconscious, you may not immediately realize what the dream represents.


songs on high repetition:
† Demolition by Patrick Wolf
† A Boy named Sue by Johnny Cash
† All I want for Christmas is You by Mariah Carey
† Mad about You by Hooverponic

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If you dream of an old friend, lover or relative, is there a deeper meaning to it?
What if you continuously mistake strangers walking down the street because they may have a physical similarity to the person you mistake them for?
Does your sudden love for children and babies mean you wish for children of your own?
Or is it rather the need for affection that children are often lavished with, but you lack?

No sleep tonight...

I've been having bad dreams lately, I think it's become a something that has bothered me throughout this year, I've never had it so frequently before. They aren't usually nightmares, just distressing things that appear from my past, maybe I'm being told that I need resolve something within my past. All I know is I want it to stop, so I can wake up feeling at the very least like I had a decent sleep.

My moods are still not getting any better, the medication helps a bit but lately I've been having these short but intense mood swings particularly during the evening. Usually it's a swing of feeling very depressed and it hits hard and unexpectedly. It's almost unbearable, and sometimes sends me into moments of suicidal ideations.



songs on high repetition:
† Crash into me by Stevie Nicks
† Superstar by Tegan and Sara
† Everybody Cares, Everybody Understands by Elliott Smith
† Drain you by Nirvana

Dreams of Loneliness, like a heartbeat, drives you mad.

This week has been one of the most stressful weeks of my life, I've cried my heart out at least 3 times and been constantly on edge, I can't stop shaking my legs whenever I'm sitting down, It's a constant thing I've never really done before. I only went to 1 class this week at uni because I was too stressed to deal with it, I wish I did but I just didn't care.

I feel like sleeping forever, curling up in a ball and lying in darkness with nothing but music in my head and in my heart. I'm holding everything back so much and trying so hard that I feel it's just going to fall apart and spin out of control when I least expect. Just at the moment, I can't let my emotions get the better of me because a few of my loved ones are struggling and they're more important.

My dreams are haunting me with images of broken glass and past loves, I feel tired all the time like I'm a living walking zombie. Sometime I'll notice myself go into a state of dissociation, I'll be completely detached and then I'll come out of it and feel like I'm about to have a panic attack, It's becoming more frequent recently.


songs on high repetition:
- You've got the love by Florence + The Machine
- Beautiful Child by Fleetwood Mac
- Goldmines by Josh Pyke
- Be My Angel by Mazzy Star

The pills won't help you now.

Last week I was stuck at my dad's farm near Warrnambool, I hadn't taken my meds and I felt like I was coping fine without them, but you lose touch of reality when that happens (at least I do). It was only when my mother happened to know I haven't been taking them and told me that when I don't she notices I become emotionally more unstable that I realised how much they do make an impact.

For the last few months every so often I keep having recurring people appear in my dreams, people I'd rather forget and that I thought I've moved on from. So if I feel that I've forgot about those people who were a part of my life, why are they appearing in my unconscious? The part of it that bothers me is that when I wake up in the morning I remember everything and all the memories associated with that person floods back in my mind.


songs on high repetition:
† L.A. Song by Beth Hart
† I've been eating for you by Bright Eyes
† Moonshiner by Cat Power
† Heavy in your Heart by Florence + The Machine

Dream Symbolism | 5/5/10

Alcohol
To dream that you are consuming alcohol in excess, signifies feelings of inadequacy, worries, regrets and fears of being discovered for who you really are. You are using alcohol as a way to escape or as an excuse for something you did. Alternatively, the dream may be reflective of waking issues and problems of alcoholism.

Anxiety
To dream that you are experiencing some anxiety in some affair, is a reflection of what you may be feeling during your waking life. You may have repressed thoughts, unexpressed emotions, resentment, and hostility that are triggering your anxiety dream. This dream also denotes that you are disastrous mixing business with pleasure.

Crying
To dream that you are crying, signifies a release of negative emotions that is more likely caused by some waking situation rather than the events of the dream itself. Your dream is a way to regain some emotional balance and a way to safely let out your fears and frustrations. In our daily lives, we tend to ignore, deny, or repress our feelings. But in our dream state, our defense mechanisms are no longer on guard and thus allow for the release of such emotions.

Fighting
To dream that you are in a fight, indicates inner turmoil. Some aspect of yourself is in conflict with another aspect of yourself. Perhaps an unresolved or unacknowledged part is fighting for its right to be heard. It may also parallel a fight or struggle that you are going through in your waking life.

Anger
To dream that you are holding or expressing anger, symbolizes frustrations and disappointments in your Self. You tend to repress your negative emotions or project your anger onto others. You need to look within yourself.

Being angry in your dream may have been carried over from your waking life. Dreams can function as a safe outlet where you can express your strong and/or negative emotions. You have some suppressed anger and aggression that you have not consciously acknowledged.

You're better off unknown.

I found my box of records a few days ago, They were locked away in storage from when we moved months ago. Some are mine like:

- Songs of Love and Hate by Leonard Cohen
- Prince Charming by Adam and The Ants
- Blood on the Tracks by Bob Dylan

My parents also have some nice records I now have to play on my record player such as Van Morrison, INXS, Jimi Hendrix, The Clash...etc. I also found my Tarot Cards which I thought I lost, They are my favorite deck.

______________________________________________________

I've been missing my medication again, because I lost them for awhile and can't be bothered right now to get back on them. I've noticed the effects that happen when I don't take them, Everything and everyone feels not entirely there and I lie in my bed for hours because I don't have the strength to do anything much else. I get paranoid & anxious about the smallest of things and can't stand to sleep alone so I hug my pillow imagining it's someone else. But on the other hand I feel more creative and myself like this, When i'm on my anti-depressants I don't care about anything, I lack any sense of direction.

I wake from nightmares that feel so real, filled with my fears, vices, tears and death. When I awake I wonder if any of those things could've really happened.
All I want is to sleep through my life because I see myself failing & flailing and It won't stop. I feel like i'm just going through the motions. Half asleep, half awake, Waking up in messed up bedsheets from another night with a stranger who might as well stay nameless to me.


Songs currently on repeat:
† The Twist - Metric
† Weak Sister - Paper Rival
† Precious Things - Tori Amos
† Moonlight Bloodshed - Jena Malone and Her Bloodstains