Nothing to keep me from the storm.

I went shopping with my mum today because she wanted me to get some pyjamas and clothes, I usually refuse because I hate shopping, crowds and change rooms and those things combined make me anxious. But I wanted to do something today so I agreed, I got a top, shorts and superman long johns (1st picture) at Cotton on Body. A blue polka dot playsuit (2nd) at Sportsgirl and T-shirt (3rd) and black jacket at General pants co.

As far as my mood has been it's been stable with less emotional up and downs that I had only a few weeks. Yesterday I got my nose pierced I didn't it expect it to hurt as much as it did but It was worth the 2 minutes of pain I was in. On another note, my sweet tooth is getting me into trouble and I need to stop eating like I did when I was 5 years old and go on a diet ASAP.



songs on high repetition:
- You got the love (The xx remix) by Florence + The Machine
- If it makes you happy by Sheryl Crow
- Celestica by Crystal Castles
- I don't give a fuck by Peaches

I need some meaning I can memorise.

This weekend I've had the whole weekend to myself, My parents and siblings have gone down to the farm and are coming back later tonight. So i've been wandering around the hallways drinking nothing but coffee and eating porridge, Scamp (my cat) has been acting like a silly kitten.

Not long after the family left and I went into the bathroom to get ready for a bath, Scamp leaped into the empty bathtub and started drinking the tiny puddles of water. I ended up having to pull him out because he couldn''t get out of the bathtub himself.

I finished my essay and managed to do absolutely nothing all weekend because I could. Luke came over last night, It was nice but I felt a little out of it that night. We didn't do much, just what we always tend to do when we get together (; But I needed him there, I didn't want to be alone. I've felt incredibly needy for human affection lately and it's frustrating because it just causes more anxiety, which is not what I need.


songs currently on repeat:
† This side of the Blue - Joanna Newsom
† I cut like a buffalo - The Dead Weather
† I've been eating (For you) - Bright Eyes
† 2 Lakes - Mount Eerie

Is that why they call me a sullen girl...

I can't find my medication today and I can already feel my anxiety creeping up out from the shadows. The coffee & cigarettes are giving me the shakes, I can see red spots blurring my vision and my heart is beating like a drum.

All I want now is to curl up in my bed and sleep in the darkness, but I can't leave this place. I sit here chain smoking and an ant crawls up my arm but I swear it was a spider. I flick it off and pray it landed on the ground safely because even the smallest of creatures deserve to live.

Nothing feels important to me, except the need for what I fool myself into thinking as intimacy, when all it really comes down to is sex with boys who know much better.


Songs currently on repeat:
† Honest - Band of Skulls
† Ambulance - Eisley
† Sullen Girl - Fiona Apple
† Dangerous Animals - Arctic Monkeys